All day I’ve been telling my mom I was tired, while I was actually just sad. I have no idea why.
I’m a fucking train wreck. I can’t go one day without having an emotional breakdown.
in my senior drama class i had to play gordon ramsay for a film project but we could only film in school so we had to try to find a closed off room to use. the thing is the room wasn’t exactly soundproof and apparently someone heard us and that’s the story of how the vice principal and four freshmen walked in on me wearing a chef’s hat and yelling at my friend because her squid was so raw i could still hear it telling spongebob to fuck off
did you get an A
did you know that the main reason we have a school lunch program is that in 1946 kids were too underfed to qualify for military service bc i just found that out and am horrified
nobody cares about children’s well being without an ulterior motive
I showed this to my girlfriend and she responded by saying, “So they were just fattening them up to serve?”
After staring at her for about five seconds, she just went “WAIT.”
More fun facts about ancient Celtic marriage laws: There were no laws against interclass or interracial marriage, no laws against open homosexual relationships (although they weren’t considered ‘marriages’ since the definition of a marriage was ‘couple with child’), no requirement for women to take their husband’s names or give up their property, but comedians couldn’t get married
It’s Adam and Eve not Adam Sandler and Eve
Homosexuality is unnatural! It says so in this book where snakes talk, people come back from the dead, a guy walks on water, and a virgin has a baby.
- 17-year-olds: When I have a job I'm gonna have my own apartment and I'm gonna gets lots of tattoos and piercings and I'm gonna go to lots of concerts and oh yeah I'm gonna go backpacking across Europe!!
- 20-somethings: Hey can I borrow a dollar so I can buy some more dollar store macaroni and cheese
what do you mean not everyone has a toilet that washes and massages your butt
Wait there are toilets like that?
what an incredible experience it must be
im mildly concerned about something labeled “turbo” going near my butt